Coping with Traumatic Incidents

For Family and Friends

When someone close to you has been through a traumatic incident it can be very difficult to know what to do.  You might find that you to experience some of the reactions mentioned in this handout or you might find the experience doesn't affect you at all.

HELPFUL HINTS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS:

• Spend time with the traumatised person and reassure them that they are safe.

• Offer support and a listening ear even if they have not asked for help.

• Help them with everyday tasks like cooking and caring for the children.

• Don't take it personally if they want to be alone sometimes.  Don't take their anger or other feelings personally; they are part of the normal response to trauma.

• Don't tell them that they are "lucky it wasn't worse", or that they should "forget it and pull themselves together".  Traumatised people are not consoled by such statements.  Instead, tell them that you are sorry the event occurred and that you want to understand and assist them.

After a trauma, people can come out wiser and stronger.  Their experiences may help them to cope better with the stresses of everyday life.  It can also be a turning point when they re-evaluate their life and appreciate little things that are often overlooked.  Try to identify the positive aspects for themselves and yourselves. 

It might help you to know that:

• People react differently to the experience of being involved in a traumatic incident.  Some react immediately, some after a time, some intensely, some hardly at all.

• A lot of people are left feeling very vulnerable and helpless.  This is scary for them and can be scary for you.

• Some might feel tense and appear snappy and angry for some time after the incident and you might need to be patient with them.

• Most can benefit from being able to talk about the experience to someone who cares.  So you can help by listening.  It can be difficult to listen to someone else's distress.  If you don't feel you can handle it, say so gently and perhaps support the other person in finding someone else to talk to.

• Many people just need extra understanding and comfort and someone to just be there.  You might feel there is nothing you can do.  Being there is doing a lot.

• It is not a good idea to play down the incident even though it might seem like a minor event to you.

• It is not helpful to urge the person to just 'forget about it' and 'put it out of their mind' or 'pretend it didn't happen'.  However small an event it might appear to you, the experience can be very stressful and frightening.

• Ask them how you can be most helpful to them.

• Responses to a traumatic event are normal responses to an abnormal event though these can be intense and stressful at times.

• It takes time to heal, accept and readjust.

Research and literature show that people who have experienced a traumatic event do recover more quickly and easily when they have the support of family, friends and workmates.

People who have experienced a traumatic incident recover more easily when they have someone who can understand all the responses.  Sometimes connections with earlier experiences need to be made and understood.

If you are concerned about your reactions, or are unsure about anything and would like professional assistance contact the University of Adelaide Counselling Centre on 8303 5663.

(Adapted from the UNE Counselling Service CICI Policy)