Why am I down on my first day?

The first day of uni should be exciting but I’m not sure why I’m not feeling that way.

Here it is, final year. Four years ago, this moment seemed like it was so far into the future that I’d have to squint really hard to take a good look at it, but time went by so fast and now here I am walking to my first 6-unit class. 

I should be excited, right? After all the nights I spent crying over law assignments and the pens I got through scribbling unintelligible notes on my lecture printouts and the calls I made to my sister questioning my place in the law school, I finally made it to year 4. 

But I woke up that Monday morning feeling unmotivated and dispirited. It could be for an array of reasons but here are my top suspects.

Suspect number 1

The sickening disease that plagues every international (and interstate) student but somehow, I never seemed to be cured of it – homesickness. I had just flown in from my hometown last Friday and I was quite gutted to leave my family behind yet again. I figured that by the time I get to fourth year, uttering goodbye would be as easy as singing the national anthem, but I was wrong.

It had only been a weekend since I left home, so an intense spell of homesickness still binds me. I woke up to the lack of my aunt’s delicious breakfasts and was hit with the sudden realisation that I am alone again, leaving me feeling very down on my mood. 

Not a great start to the morning. I tried to shake it off, but it seems to have followed me around the whole day. 

Suspect number 2 

I can’t be the only one who’s still on holiday mood, right? I’ve been trying to ease into academic mode for weeks now but have failed miserably. In my head, it is still the Summer break and I’m getting ready to go on a road trip but there I was making my way to Horace Lamb. 

Suspect number 3 

My first class of the semester was Dispute Resolutions and Ethics – the 6-unit subject I was talking about earlier – and I’ll be honest with you, prepping for my first 6-unit class was quite daunting. Word on the street is that it’s a tough subject that is sure to make you cry.

So, I walked into the lecture hall expecting the worst but was pleasantly surprised to find my worries and anxious thoughts deceiving me again (should I really be surprised?) as the class was easy enough to understand. 

It is only the first lecture, I know, but it puts my mind at ease to know that if I can sit through those first moments, then I can surely go through with the rest. 

Now that I’ve narrowed the possible reasons why I was not feeling it on my first day, I feel a lot better because I know that wasn’t really a big deal – I was just homesick and having first day jitters. We all go through them sometimes!