Harnessing confidence for the thesis

I’m in the countdown phase now – not quite close enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the adrenaline is certainly pumping, and the fear and unease is palpable. This has to be over soon. I’ve finished all the empirical studies and now it’s tying it all together into the thesis.

I have to admit, just thinking about this last hurdle is making my hands tremble. How do I harness whatever cinders of confidence I can salvage so that I can finish?

It’s not about motivation, it’s about discipline. I can’t wait to feel like doing it, you just do it.

“One step at a time. One punch at a time. One round at a time.”-Creed

Every day. It’s about the long game. But what do we do when we are feeling really stuck and it’s taking us twice the usual amount of time it takes to get a sentence together or a focused thought down into paper? “How do you write like your life depended on it?” Read some of the ramblings of my self-talk on this below:

• Just do the next thing. Go back to basics – what’s the next thing that needs to get done. Make the task simple and just do it. Write 500 words, without editing (edit tomorrow or after a sleep). Sort through your references. Proofread the manuscript. Just do something towards the thesis. Just show up.
• Focus. Whenever I let myself get distracted, I tear away at my confidence because I am showing myself that I can’t focus and that I can’t fully participate in achieving my goal, and this thing that is really important in my life is not actually that important enough for me to stop scrolling mindlessly at whatever’s novel or ruminate on unproductive whispers in my mind. When I let myself get distracted, I’m showing myself that I can’t be trusted to focus on something that’s important to me. Acknowledging this struggle is the first step to re-committing to myself, to really focus and to truly participate in my life and truly make this investment for myself. I will show myself that I am important, that this is important and that I am showing up for me. Get that thesis done.
• Momentum. Where do I feel stuck? No matter how much I accomplish and what I achieve, I still feel like an imposter. I need more than an epiphany. I need a system. What do I need in my system? To answer that question, I’ll need to see my patterns – the patterns that drag me away from my goal, patterns that make me doubt myself. Establishing a champion system will require a purge – purging all the toxicity, all the doubt, all the guilt, self-loathing and dread.
• Alignment. What is congruent to my goal, where do things align in my goals? Purpose and peace. Focus on that. This is the core focus. When my core is strong, my hand steadies and I can feel confidence sparking. This helps to build trust within myself and so, no matter what any other person does, I know I will be okay. The safety comes from me.
• Gratitude. Right now is a pretty great spot to be in, and I will miss this.

“Look at where you are. Look at where you started.”-Hamilton (musical)