Overcoming autism: I’ve faced rejection so many times that there’s no way I could fear it anymore

He’s in his second year of an engineering degree and went from avoiding making friends in high school to becoming socially “overcommitted” at university. Diagnosed with autism in 2021, he was told that he would never function normally in society. However, his experience with therapy helped him grow his self-awareness and come out of his shell at university. Now he’s balancing his study with organising club committees and activities, and working with Succeed@Adelaide to support new students. Meet Jack McKenzie, one of our friendliest and most determined students.

“I’ve always been academically inclined but not socially, I was so awful at it.”

What’s an example of when you were awful at socialising?

There was a time in Year 7 when I had decided that I was not going to make a friend in high school because I didn’t see the point (laughs) and my teacher at the time was like, “Jack, no you need to make a friend,” and I did eventually but I think I just wasn’t wanting to be around people at all at that time and even then I kind of stumbled my way into making friends because I did not know what I was doing, but these days I make more of a conscious effort and now I love making friends, I could not imagine not having a group to go to when I finish my study.

How would you describe your mindset these days?

I’m a “yes” man, I see opportunity and run toward it. Sometimes it can lead to being overcommitted, but being in university clubs and meeting people is a good way to get involved and I’ve lost count of what I’m involved in.

What were you like before starting university?

Previously, I would have described myself as an introverted person but not anymore, I definitely consider myself wanting to be around people more. The uni environment allowed me to come out of my shell a little bit more instead of in the high school bubble.

How do you connect socially with others in clubs?

With me it can be a bit different because a lot of the clubs I’m involved with is about organising activities in a professional environment where I get a job and then work with others to get the job done. A good portion of my clubs are like that but then in a social context, it’s easier said than done — it’s about having no fear, just going up to someone and start chatting. I get that’s not a thing that everyone can do but it’s something that I used to feel was impossible. I was awful at it, talking to people in general. I was diagnosed with Level 3 Autism in 2021 and was told that I would not be able to do well in a university environment, because my people skills were just bad. But you know I kind of went, “well I’m going to work on it then.”

I guess it’s a matter of just finding the confidence to go for it. Some people aren’t going to like you and that’s ok, that’s university. You can walk away and never see them again because it’s a big place, it’s not like high school where something happens, and everyone knows about it. And you know, you’re not going to get along with everyone but it’s about finding your group, finding your people. I still try and maintain a level of being cordial to everyone.

After you got your diagnosis, who helped you move forward?

A lot of it was therapists, I had an occupational therapist and a regular therapist, and I think that just helped me define within myself who I am and who I want to be. It’s good to have a professional therapist assess the things that you’re doing and how you feel. It helps so much with self-awareness, and I guess, being aware that you’re not always going to be self-aware.

You can’t be who you want to be if you don’t know who you are already, because otherwise it’s like running a race and not knowing where to start from.

Do you participate in study groups?

If I’m wanting to have fun – yes, but I do get distracted easily so if I need to get stuff done I’ll study on my own, so being aware of how much I really need to get done, I’ll probably go home and study.

How do you approach a situation in class when you’re unsure about what’s going on?

It’s annoying when I’m lost in class, but I have found that when I’ve been real confused about something, I look at the person to my left and right and I’ll ask them what is going on and they don’t know either — everyone’s lost, so if everyone’s lost together then you don’t feel as stressed. There’s no isolation because you’re not stranded, having friends in your degree can set more of an expectation about how you’ll get through your degree because usually when something’s really hard your classmates are going to find it hard too. I’ve found personally that if I’m finding it hard, then so is everyone else and if I’m finding it easy then so is everyone else. 

Where does your courage and confidence to approach others come from?

I’ve faced rejection so many times that there’s no way I could fear it anymore. I realised that trying to talk to others doesn’t always work — at the start it rarely worked for me, but now it very rarely doesn’t work.

You will face rejection from people and that’s just a fact of life, but it’s not always going to be that way, so you can work towards stopping that from being important to just thinking, “well this person didn’t like me today and all these other people do.” I guess the courage came from when I got diagnosed (with autism) and told I would not be able to function in society … and if I didn’t change there would have been truth to that, I just could not converse like a normal person, I wouldn’t have made it through uni, I would have got stuck at the first group assignment, but I guess that motivated me to go, “watch me, I’m going to do it anyway,” and it was not smooth process, it eventually got better. The fear is still there, I’m still scared by talking to a new person but I’ve developed the ability to move past it.

What should students consider when seeking social connections at uni?

A lot of first year classes have group work as part of them, that’s a way to try and make friends. If you’re trying to make social connections, and it doesn’t necessarily need to be (with people in your) degree, but find an interest that you have and find others who have the same interest because then you can talk about the thing that you both like.

Usually having conversation around a shared interest – clubs are great for that. It’s like the swing dancing club, you don’t have to be a swing dancer to do it, just find someone else who also has no idea what they’re doing and there you go, you’re mates now.

My strategy is to overcommit and then figure out what’s good. The issue is that everything’s been good.

There are over 100 clubs at UoA for you to choose from! Visit the YouX website to find a club related to your study, hobby, or interest. 

This article is from our Community of Learners Series, which features the stories of UoA students in finding themselves and making realistic friendships at university. 

You'll find plenty of inspiration and advice for meeting others with similar interests and making lasting connections.

Student life isn’t just studying, it’s also about the people we meet along the way who help us grow not only academically, but also personally and professionally