The Art of Surface Level Friendships
Art is currently in their second year studying a Bachelor of International Relations, with a major in Economics. They spend their time on campus attending classes and living their best social life by connecting with students through various clubs. Since starting university, they have found that joining clubs has made it easier to make social connections and acquaintances — effectively racking up anti-loneliness points.
Art has great insights about why it’s easier to meet people at clubs and their experiences can inspire you to find happiness through casual social interactions instead of pressuring yourself to make friends.
What were you like in high school?
In high school I think I was, like, maybe not quite shy but I stuck to my one friend group. I did Alpaca Club for like a year but that was to try and get an award. You go and train and practise walking around the alpacas for shows and stuff. Back then I wasn’t really doing clubs for fun because in high school they weren’t really my thing, I was doing them to get agricultural awards (laughs).
I wanted to be a diplomat because jobs with the government feel quite stable and so I’m like, ‘ok I would like a stable career thank you very much’, and I would like to travel as well. Also, I started learning Spanish in Year 10 and I was really into it. Now I’m less sure that I want to be a diplomat but I feel like I may as well just do international relations anyway because of the soft skills it gives you. I’m doing a major in Economics as well and that’s … kind of my backup … I’m hoping that if international relations doesn’t work out, I can get an ‘econ’ job, a job in economics.
When you started university did you find it easy to meet people?
I found it easy to make acquaintances, so in my faculty welcome [at O’Week] I found two people from my high school who I’d barely spoken to … I knew they were nice so we sat together and now I’m still friendly with both of them, we don’t see each other a lot, it’s hard to organise those things sometimes. Also, I was really early to the Program Welcome and there was a bunch of people who were really early to it as well and so basically that was my ‘starting uni friend group’, and it’s held together pretty well to be honest. I guess it’s like we all have the thing of wanting to be on time and so then, we’re friends now.
How have you found getting to know people in your classes?
It’s been getting better because last year the economic classes I was doing were all like maths-based completely and no one talks to each other and it’s so awkward (laughs). A lot of my econ friends I’ve made from the Economics Club instead or through Spanish. With Spanish your supposed to be talking to people, whereas with economics you’re listening to a lecture or solving a maths problem and it’s not really a bonding activity in my opinion.
What’s your friendship group like outside of university?
It’s mostly my high school friends. I go to a lot of [university] clubs and so I make friendly acquaintances with people, it’s still making social connections so there’s that as well.
I feel like I see the good friends less than the acquaintancesArt
What are some of the clubs you’re involved with?
So, with Salsa [Club] because of the way it’s structured, you’re dancing together and then you rotate around so there’s a lot of, ‘hello my name is this, what do you study? Oh, you’re not studying you’re just coming to Salsa Club, cool’, and then you dance together.
With rugby, honestly, I’m very awkward with rugby … Spanish Club, French Club and German have conversation classes so you’ve already got that structure, so with speaking Spanish you could either talk about learning Spanish or talk about Spain, there’s inbuilt conversation starters in that kind of forum which is good. Spanish Club has the weekly conversation classes, rugby if you play a game with people then you bond together easily that way.
Is having acquaintances enough for you, socially?
No, I have good friends as well. I feel like I see the good friends less than the acquaintances because [acquaintances are] in your classes and you chat to them, but outside of class you might not talk to them as much. But with good friends it’s like, ‘we’re going to go to this café together at this particular time’, you know you have that connection to each other that you can come back to[gether] even if it’s been awhile because you’re busy and that’s ok.
How do you manage your time between study and socialising?
I used to use a diary but now I use the note taking app Goodnotes on my iPad. I spend every day at campus, so I have like one or two classes each day but then I’ll come in early and study until the class starts. On Wednesdays because I’ve got my afternoon class and salsa is at 7:00 pm, I’ll make an afternoon out of it and focus on study, so going to a club actively encourages me to study.
Do you have any suggestions about how to make acquaintances?
Spending time on campus, if you want new friends that’s the way to go because your timetables are more likely to overlap. Don’t be afraid to just go and get a hot chocolate together or do something that’s free like a study session in the Mezzanine. You don’t have to be studying the same thing, the point is that you’re there together and you can have a chat. It can be distracting sometimes — but it’s more fun. You’ll probably get slightly less study done, but at least you’ll get to spend time with people and multitask.