Catch me outside my comfort zone
"Because there are so many other new students in your year level when you first start, it's not meeting new people that's hard — it's making actual social connections with people that requires intentional effort.”
It was that flash of wisdom that began a conversation with second-year psychology student Mia for the Community of Learners series about making realistic friendships at uni. Mia is not short on reflective insights. When she moved from Germany to Australia at age thirteen, for the first year she felt way out of her comfort zone. When she felt excluded from students with established friendships at her Aussie high school, she learnt resilience. It was a process but not without its struggles.
"I had this initial sense of isolation and longing for familiarity as well because even though I had visited Australia a couple of times it's still very different to living in a country, especially when everyone I met already had deep-rooted connections. So, I was an outsider, forming friendships was a bit of a struggle but I understand that building meaningful connections takes time and patience, especially navigating a new environment as well. So, for me it was important to persevere and stay open to everything and gradually I just found my place and community and friends, it definitely taught me that sometimes things take time and to be resilient."
What was it like starting university and again being in a situation where you didn't know a lot of people?
"When I started uni I immediately joined the Adelaide Uni Volleyball Club and now, a year later, most of my close friends are from volleyball. So, I've met many people and it's a diverse group of people, but you all have a common interest when you come together and that's what I really love about it as well. I participated in the social training, but I also joined a competitive team, so that furthered the bonds with people I see three to four times a week. Many students might choose not to do this because they don't have the time but even just joining a club for one day a week is a really good way to meet likeminded people."
How can acquaintances at university become friends?
"It can come naturally, like for example if both of you have a class together with a one-or two-hour gap until your next class, you could be like, ‘oh hey, let's study together until then or let’s grab some lunch,’ and so then it’s not really forced. So, I think a lot of my friendships they started by small hangouts that fit into our uni schedule like studying or grabbing some food or something like that and that’s how I got to know them a bit better as well.”
What is your advice for students about how to make the most of their time at university?
"Just dive head-first into all the social offerings that the university has, like it doesn’t need to be just clubs. Also keeping an eye on the University’s social media pages because they are always posting what’s happening on campus and then you can get involved and choose what you might be interested in or ask friends to do it with you. I guess, also in saying that I know that all students are obviously here to study, but I think it’s also really important to take a break from that as well and do something that you enjoy, it’s good to get involved in your studies and study really hard but studying all day every day is not sustainable for your physical and mental health either. So yeah, setting aside time to do things, it could be writing, it could be reading, joining a chess club. Even knowing that when things get tough during studies, they have support from the uni, whether that’s academic help like at the Writing Centre, they never need to feel alone and can always get help before it gets to a bad point where they are failing their assignments."
Statistically, fifteen-to twenty-four-year-olds feel lonelier than older age groups, why do you think that is?
"In my generation so much as changed with technology. I think that people who are around my age spend most of their lives on their phone, doing social media and those types of things. Constantly comparing yourself to the lifestyle photos of other people ... it might be completely unrealistic and edited and it’s not portraying what life is actually like and leads you to loneliness because you’re feeling insecure and that your life isn’t as good as someone else’s. When actually you don’t know all the struggles that are happening to them behind the scenes. Also, maybe the stresses with university or professional and personal lives means that we don’t have enough time to build really meaningful friendships and relationships. But I think that a lot of life is lived online, not in person and is unappreciative of the moment — of how much value you can get just from living in the moment."
People talk about the moment as a meditative practice, what's your experience with that?
Have you heard of Salty Sips before? It happens at the beach alternating between Glenelg and Henley Beach and it’s 30 minutes of yoga on the beach. A community of 100 or so people show up with an instructor leading the group and it’s kind of like yoga slash meditation for half an hour and after everyone goes for a dip in the water and grabs breakfast. I try to do that every week if I can, it’s a really good start to the day, it gets your head clear and looking out at the beach is really nice. (Visit the Salty Sips on Instagram for more information)