Content warning: some descriptions involving blood from a finger cut.
I was hurriedly chopping some carrots and celery for a snack when I accidentally cut into my finger. It’s quite a significant cut. I reckon there were a couple of seconds of shock and I was just not moving. Very quickly though, I realised that blood was quickly flowing out. It was running down my hand, down my arms, dripping onto the kitchen bench top. Soon it had formed a small pool and then started dripping on to the floor. Luckily, I’ve taken several first aid courses and proceeded to do what needed to be done. I’m glad my first aid kit is properly stocked too.
Eventually the bleeding stopped, and I started cleaning up the kitchen. I couldn’t really feel the pain, what was clear was my feelings of frustration. All of sudden I felt sorry for myself. Amidst everything, I really didn’t need a cut finger. After cleaning the kitchen, I go on to check with Dr Google and find out how I can tell if there is any risk of infection. Then I remembered I have doctor friends (yes, medical doctors and not just Ph.D. doctors) who I could quickly message.
That was five months ago. Looking at my finger now, I can’t even tell where the cut and the wound was. I had to look back on my photos. At the moment of the incident, I was so worried about an infection or a bad scar. I thought I would have to see it for the rest of my life as a reminder of a clumsy mistake.
Now it’s all healed. The surface wound was scary to see. There was all that blood. The accident though didn’t cause any real harm. The slice didn’t get to deep tissue or bone. My body’s reflex actions kicked in quickly enough for me to stop when I did. I thought a thick callous was going to form on the wound, but even that didn’t happen, and my finger looks like nothing happened at all. I thought I was all alone, but I had all these people I could call.
Why am I writing about this in a blog called ‘what messes with my head’? I have close friends going through really tough times at the moment. Emotional wounds are very different to physical wounds, and both can affect the other. As I reflect on what they are going through, I remember that with emotional wounds, sometimes the healing is not as clear as a healed physical cut, but it’s important to remember that they can be healed. Sometimes there will be scars, sometimes there won’t be. Sometimes the wounds form hard callouses after, sometimes they don’t. It may feel like we’re all alone, but we aren’t.