Facing my grades

grey background with an F grade drawn in white chalk

I got one of my final essays back this week. It was… surprising, to say the least.

By this time, a lot of us would be getting back our final grades for the semester now that the exam period is done and dusted. Unfortunately for me, I am not a strong essay writer. Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck writing two major essays that were worth 40% of my grade in two of my courses.

I can say that I worked harder on one than the other because I was more interested in the content, and yet it was the one I got a lousy 55% mark for. It was for a course that I considered to be my favourite all semester, so getting it back was a massive disappointment. I did all this research, borrowed books, met with a tutor, and I even met with my teacher to discuss my plan. Despite all my effort, it just didn't go the way I wanted it to.

This is the hardest part of university, in my opinion. You can take a course that really grabs you, that really feeds your passion and actually makes studying enjoyable! But in one fell swoop, that final grade can make you rethink everything. It can make you think whether or not you're really cut out for what you're studying.

While my grade disappointed me, I didn't let myself be crushed. I learnt so much from this course and discovered a new kind of area that interests me in my field of study, and I hope to explore it more further down the line! My grade is not a reflection on my ability to achieve my goals, but… maybe it is a reflection on me needing to get some more guidance on my essay writing. Whoops.

I have to laugh at myself at these times. If I let myself get so bogged down in my "failures", then I'll never get through my degree. I'm bound to come across many other times like this in my future years of studying, but I can take what I've learned from past grades and try something different! It might take me a bit of exploring to figure out what works for me, but with the right feedback and guidance I know I'll find it eventually.

Tagged in What messes with your head, grades