Self confidence

It’s really important to be confident in yourself. I think I have enough resolve to give the impression that I am, but I don’t always feel confident in myself.

I think the biggest reason for this is that I don’t want to be wrong, and I don’t want to be arrogant. So I do a lot of work checking my thoughts and my pride. I ask myself a lot of questions like: Is this really a smart thing to do? Am I really acting in a reasonable way? Do I really have any idea what is going on in the world?

If these thoughts get out of check they can cause me to be paralysed by indecision, which I know is bad. So I need to make sure I am able to look at myself and say: You do know what you’re doing, this is the right decision, you are being reasonable.

Except, if I lose balance and don’t critically analyse my thoughts enough then I’ll end up being the guy that always thinks he’s right, and does irrational things because of it. I really don’t want to be that. I think I’d rather be paralysed than pretentious.

Talking with other people can help, having a confidant to rely on. It’s not a perfect solution because in the same way that you will never be right all of the time, they will never be right all the time. For example, there’s something called the hindsight bias, where mistakes seem obvious after you’ve made them. People will also be more prone to agree with you than disagree with you.

The important thing is to work through life with people that you know are there to support you and help you how they can. I’ve realised I need to be willing to accept other’s guidance and their perspective. I have things to work on, and other people offer a valuable, external perspective to what’s going on.

That being said, they don’t know everything, and they don’t know some of the things that I know. So sometimes, I need to be willing to say: actually no, that’s not right. That’s part of maintaining my self concept and self confidence. Like everything, it's a messy balancing act. 

Tagged in What messes with your head