Letting people down

I sometimes find myself in situations when I have made promises and commitments and have then found, due to last minute changes that I can no longer fulfill them. This is when I have to tell professional contacts, friends and family. For me, this can be really challenging.

I always overthink the situation and imagine the worst. I imagine that the person will be angry, disappointed and think ill of me. That they will be annoyed and have a huge inconvenience on their plate. When I let these kinds of thought patterns occur, I can often restrict myself from being honest and direct and inflict unnecessary anxiety and worry onto myself.

When I try to think about how to overcome this I try to think of what other people are really thinking. If I have promised to come for a visit or a meeting and something else has come up, or I have a family emergency that I need to attend to, would others really be angry at me? When these situations occur, I find myself worrying over being organised and taking care of friends and family as well as letting people down with whom I have made prior commitments. If the roles were reversed and someone had told me they can no longer fulfill their commitment to me, would I be angry? Of course not. Everyone faces unforeseen circumstances throughout their lives and people are always very understanding.

Times when people, or myself, would not be understanding are when people inappropriately use excuses and even lie instead of being honest. There is a big difference between overcommitting and trying to please everyone and then making up excuses and lies, compared to having genuine changes in circumstance that are beyond your control or ability to plan for. Going forward, it never helps to be anxious and scared of telling someone when you have a commitment and letting them down. You just have to be honest and upfront and they will always understand.