Go into it scared

A void.

On getting over the biggest hurdle.

I want to ask you: how many times have you stopped yourself from doing something that you’ve always wanted to do because you were afraid? 

Heaps for me. Though, I would say my fear is placed on the unknown; the uncertainty of it all. Like, should I even risk complementing this person’s outfit knowing that there is a slight chance they might think I’m weird? Or maybe I shouldn’t submit that essay I’ve been writing because the publication might hate it, right? And what if I apply for this job but end up being so bad at it?

Of course, there are moments when mysteries like these excite me, but there are also moments where it leaves me scrambling for answer that I can only find by… doing the very thing that scares me. 

And so, I’ll go into it afraid, like the poem Dylan Thomas wrote for his aging father, urging him to not go gentle into that goodnight and to rage against the dying of the light even as his father faces the ultimate unknown, death. Nobody said the unknown wouldn’t be scary but that shouldn’t stop us from facing it, nonetheless. 

Let me tell you about the time I went into it afraid. This way about two years ago; I was scrolling through the Careerhub’s job board and stumbled upon an opening for a writing role. It was a golden opportunity for a budding writer like me and of course, getting paid to write was also nice. I should be filled with nothing but pure thrill, right? 

Well, not exactly. I was so worried that I would do a bad job at writing and disappoint my future employer that I kept putting the application off but eventually, I came to my sense and I’m so glad I did because you wouldn’t be reading my stuff here if I hadn’t. 

From that moment on, I’ve been reminding myself that it’s ok to go into it not knowing everything. Many of the greats went into it not knowing everything and afraid too, I’m sure, but their courage was what made them great; was what gave them the opportunity to tell stories about their adventures. 

Tagged in What messes with your head, anxiety, unilife, future