A guide to being despised

I stood awkwardly in the corner of the room, trying to look busy by eating snacks and looking out of the window. I always thought I liked events and parties on the one provision that I knew someone there. I did know someone at this event, but I also knew that they didn't like me very much.

There's a book I've seen called The Courage to be Disliked. I haven't read it myself, but I think I really should. I've talked before about how I'm sometimes a little bit paranoid that people don't like me, but in this situation it wasn't just fear. This person and I, we'd known each other for some time. We both knew that we did not get on very well. Inevitably, I can't connect with everyone, and some people just aren't going to feel positively about me. 

Having someone there that didn't like me, I felt it weighing down on me. Even while I talked to other people, I couldn't get it off my mind. I just didn't know how to deal with it. In my head I thought up the best response. I thought of how I could walk over to this person calmly and confidently and say hello. Then I could make a brief amount of small talk to show that I had no hard feelings towards them and gracefully exit.

My anxiety got the better of my optimism. I was afraid I'd look like I was making a power play, or that it would just become an awkward spectacle. So I stayed in the corner of the room with my snacks and my window. I didn't have the confidence to take action.

'What if they don't like me?' is one of the biggest fears I have. I take other people’s feelings and perceptions of me very seriously. I've sifted through health blogs and websites. The common strand of advice is to be confident.

My fear is that I am, or will one day become, a person that is generally unlikable. Reflecting on this event, I read an article that paints a picture of people who are doing everything right but can’t escape the fact that people generally won’t like them (link). I know what it’s like to have just one person dislike me. Having a whole room must be really difficult. It sounds like a truly awful position to be in. How am I supposed to have enough courage to be willing to be in that position?

In this context, I was worried the person was telling everyone else about how awful they thought I was, or that they were throwing me contemptuous looks, or even just that they had a negative perception of me in their mind.

There are things about myself that I am willing to change and improve. My temper, talking respectfully when I disagree. Things I dislike in myself, and understand if others do also. There are some things I am unwilling to change. Next time I am despised I at least know that courage is the way to tackle it.