On missing out
I was really looking forward to this night out with friends and so of course, of all weekends to catch a cold and be sick, it had to be this weekend. I felt devastated and I honestly felt like the universe was cruel for letting this happen to me on this weekend. I felt so mad – after working relentlessly for months, in near solitary confinement conditions, it had to be this weekend that I’m sick. I felt bad, I felt angry, I felt entitled.
And there it is. Entitled.
After a nice, warm bath, I finally came to my senses. I made peace with the universe. Yes, I realized that the world does not revolve around me and my schedule. In fact, it gave me an opportunity to rest. I needed to rest. My body was tired from all the work and all the late nights.
Being sick always gives me the chance to remember how much I take my body for granted. My body’s amazing even while it’s fighting off germs – how brilliant that it even does that. Being sick is a reminder of many things:
- That I’m grateful for my body;
- That I need to look after my body;
- That I am mortal;
- That there are some things I can’t control; and
- That there will be other opportunities.
Being sick was also an opportunity for me to take inventory of everything that was good in my life. I reflected some more on those feelings of being entitled. It bothered me. Was it entitlement? I tried to remember to be kind to myself in this process but realized that that feeling of entitlement can also come from a feeling of scarcity. Maybe I wasn’t giving myself enough opportunities to take meaningful breaks between work and study. Maybe I needed to work towards some balance in my work and life.
Wellbeing is realized by small steps, but it is truly no small thing.Zeno